WWE Raw, May 13th 2013

"Oh, what a piece of work is RAW!", as Shakespeare never said. Starting with a 25 minute dance segment that went nowhere other than downhill, and plummeting faster than Zack Ryder’s chances of a fully employed 2014, this weeks Raw was the perfect showcase for everything that is wrong with the product.

Bloated to three hours, shitty segments litter each show. Tugs of war, dance contests, rap battles, forced memes, anything to fill the time. That, and the cumulative 40 minutes of recaps, often of events that happened ten minutes previously. All accompanied by the shrieks of Michael Cole, yapping away like a bitch in heat about the WWE app, because last week’s social score was apparently the lowest on record.

With most of the top tier injured (wait, didn’t we sanitise the product so no-one did any dangerous moves anymore? why was that, if we still have muscle tears and concussions?) we were subjected to mid-card match after mid-card match, with no plot written to elevate these events to a level where we could care. It’s a criminal waste of good talent that Kofi Kingston, Antonio Ceasaro and Dean Ambrose were all used, but without any build, reasoning, or time to use their ability. I assume the writers were busy writing new levels for the Rockopolypse app, or polishing the draft for “12 Rounds 3: Ernest goes somewhere cheap” (wait! maybe Zack Ryder CAN be employed next year…)

Either way. A Jericho promo, which was 3 minutes of turning a turd to gold, and a solid promo from Triple H rescued the last half hour. But honestly - why does this show have to be an endurance test? I know Vince is running the show live, and doing a terrible job of it, but how long do we have to wait before Paul and Steph just take over, and make it bearable again? I’m not asking for a technical wrestling extravaganza, just some logical plotting, character buildup, and payoffs. Is that SO unreasonable?